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in a rainforest pool


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This happened right around Christmas 2010, when I was just out of college. My family and I were on the island of Kauai in Hawai'i for my cousin's wedding. Naturally, we did a bunch of tourist things while we were there, and one of them was a short kayak tour and hike.

For those who don't know, Kauai has been a favorite location for moviemaking for decades. There are coffee table books and guides of all the places and landmarks that have been in movies over the years, and you can spend an entire vacation looking them up if that's your thing. It's convenient for filmmakers because it's the smallest Hawaiian island and has a lot of exotic-looking tropical forest located conveniently close to civilization. It's also the home of the National Tropical Botanical Gardens, which are spectacular - and contain the tree where Dr. Grant found the dinosaur eggs in Jurassic Park. ("Life, uh, finds a way.") Go visit if you get the chance; you won't regret it!

I mention the moviemaking thing because this kayak trip involved a short paddle upriver past the spot where Indiana Jones swung out of the woods to escape the angry tribesmen in the beginning of Raiders of the Lost Ark, and then a hike that took us to a really pretty little pool that was featured in Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. (One of the guides said he was an extra in that movie - which is really not unusual, apparently: when filmmakers need extras, they just kind of round up whomever happens to be standing around. Half the people we met had been in the background of a movie at some point.)

There's one other thing that's not all that relevant to the story, but I'm including it because it was noteworthy from our point of view. We had arrived late for our tour, but we'd finally made it to the building where we were meeting our guides - only to be told that they were sorry, but we'd be waiting a bit longer, as the other group going on this tour had accidentally gone to the wrong place and would be joining us in a bit. Whatever; we're all on island time here. The guide also asked us to please play it cool, as the other group included a minor celebrity, and she didn't want us to go all starstruck on somebody just trying to enjoy their vacation.

We perked up. "Who?'

"Jimmy Kimmel," the guide said in a hushed tone.

"Who?" I asked again.

"Jimmy Kimmel? The late night talk show host?"

"Oh. Ok, whatever."

What can I say; we don't watch a lot of late-night TV in my family.

(If you're reading this and you can tell who I am from this story: I won't tell if you won't :P )

Anyway, the Kimmels arrived about 20 minutes later, and introductions were made. Besides Jimmy, there were, I think, two couples and a pair of little boys, about 5 or 6 years old. One of the women was extremely apologetic about making us wait, and we did our best to assure her it was fine. Jimmy introduced himself just as "Jimmy," and I think he relaxed a little when nobody so much as blinked. One of the couples (and their kid) was dressed really nicely considering we were going for a walk in the woods, as if they'd just come from a formal event or something; but if the guides thought that was odd, they didn't say anything.

So we piled into kayaks, maybe an hour after the tour had been scheduled to start, and started paddling up the river. The guides did their usual spiel of interesting historical facts and stories. We reached the landing at the Indiana Jones rope swing spot, tied up the kayaks, and hiked into the forest for maybe half an hour to a clearing where we could eat lunch on a big slab of volcanic rock next to a waterfall, and the guides told us a story about some poor sod who survived the Japanese invasion of Hawaii by hiding in a water-filled pit behind the falls, where he nearly died of hypothermia before being rescued. It was kind of surreal, sitting in the middle of natural paradise eating sandwiches with Jimmy freaking Kimmel and a formally-dressed family, while surrounded by feral chickens.

Again, if you didn't know: chickens are everywhere on Kauai. They are not afraid of people. They strut around casually like they own the place.

By this point I was starting to feel a need to pee, but I wasn't desperate or anything. I was really thirsty from walking in the heat and humidity, though, so I drank the whole bottle of water provided.

After lunch, the guides offered us a choice: we could try the rope swing at the Indiana Jones landing, or the one at the Pirates of the Caribbean pool. We voted for the pool. Fifteen minutes of walking later, we stood around while the guides explained proper rope swing technique (who knew?). My need to pee had gotten stronger, but I figured I could just go in the water. It's not like animals don't pee in the rainforest all the time, right?

My sister and I were wearing swimsuits under our clothes, so all we had to do was take off our shorts. Neither of us wanted to go first, though. We'd never done the whole rope-swing-into-water thing. Finally my sister, always the braver one, agreed to go first. I watched her, and it looked like fun, but I was still a little nervous. I'm not a strong swimmer, and I'm not coordinated at the best of times. But... when else was I going to get the chance to rope-swing into a gorgeous rainforest pool? Also, if I didn't jump in, I'd have to hold my pee until we got back to the hotel, which wouldn't be for another hour and a half at least, and I was starting to get uncomfortable.

My sister egged me on from the pool: "Come on, I did it, so now you have to!"

I gave in. I climbed the provided stepladder and took hold of the rope. "If I make a fool of myself, I'm blaming you," I said, mostly as a joke to bolster my confidence. Then I swung out over the water - tucking my legs, just like the guide had instructed - and let go of the rope.

And... it was really, really nice. The water was cool but not cold. At the upstream end of the pool was a little waterfall where we could swim against the gentle current. We paddled around for a bit, enjoying ourselves. One of the kids wanted to try the swing too, so his parents put his life jacket on him (kayaks, remember) and helped him grab the rope. My sister and I made sure to get well out of the landing zone, but stayed close by in case he panicked. The kid forgot to let go on the first swing, but he got it on the second try. He seemed to enjoy it.

So now I had a bit of a conundrum: I hadn't peed yet, which meant I had to do it in front of my sister, my parents, and the kid's parents and Uncle Jimmy, all of whom were watching attentively to make sure the kid didn't accidentally drown himself. I continued to tread water while I focused on relaxing my bladder while keeping my facial expression innocent. Being in pleasantly cool water helped, and after a few seconds I felt the first tentative bit of pee leak into my swimsuit. With that, suddenly a much stronger urge hit, and my bladder relaxed completely without any further effort on my part. My body opened up and the flow became fast and strong. I knew that I would keep peeing as long as I didn't try to stop it, so I was able to swim and even talk to my sister while my pee was releasing.

There's something very satisfying about peeing directly into water. Being submerged seemed to lower my subconscious resistance to peeing, so I was able to pee harder and faster than I would even on a toilet, while at the same time being utterly relaxed and not needing to push at all. It didn't make any noise, of course; but I could feel the "hiss" of the flow and the warmth spreading inside my swimsuit and around my thighs. It felt really, really good - not in a particularly sexual way, even (although I was turned on for sure, and thank heaven women don't get visible boners); but the way curling up in a warm blanket fresh from the dryer feels good. Like I said: really, really satisfying.

I also felt a little naughty thrill from peeing in front of all those people, with none of them the wiser.

It lasted for maybe 10 seconds, completely emptying my bladder in record time - and not a moment too soon, either, as the guide called us out of the pool almost as soon as I was done.

The rest of the tour was uneventful. My sister and I carried our shorts, since we were soaked from the pool; but it was so humid anyway that it honestly wasn't much different from the hike in. We paddled back to the first landing, got into our rental car, and drove back to the hotel. When we got there, my sister immediately made a beeline for the bathroom. When she came out, she commented, "Man, I really needed to pee. How come you don't?" I admitted that I'd gone in the pool.

She looked at me with an expression that was part shocked, part envious. "I thought about that," she said, "but I didn't want my face to give it away. I'm impressed that you did it. I had no idea!"

And that's how I wet my swimsuit in front of Jimmy Kimmel :P

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