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Girl in need of help


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My boyfriend and I have been occasionally having some omorashi fun, and I always thought he enjoyed it as much as I did. But then I saw this in his journal in his phone, and I never would have thought he thought about it this way. He always seems so confident and bold, I never thought he had so much considerations and fears about it. Below is what he wrote in his journal. I'm posting this with his phone. And a word of warning, my boyfriend describes things in much more vivid detail than I do, probably because he never intended anyone to read this, so there's some serious adult material down there. I'm actually surprised he has the photographic ability to recall events perfectly like I do when I share my experiences. I'm a little hesitant about sharing this, but I guess it's ok for this site. I really want your opinion on this, so I beg you for your time and patience: 


"We did it again. This time, she suggested that I lock the door to the bathroom while I take charge of the key. I agreed. It's only two days since we last did it and I honestly recommend some more rest before she puts herself under this strain again. But seeing her stand there, in that simple white T shirt, and that tiny little skirt of hers makes it impossible to resist. And so I locked the door to the bathroom, and was resolved to make her hold it to her breaking point. 

She drank her water, and we resumed our work and studies while we waited for her bladder to fill. She sat at the kitchen table, doing her work, and I could see her rubbing her full belly. She must have drank a lot of water. Poor girl, I feel a little guilty for making her do this. 

After an hour or so, I could see her crossing her legs under the table. Her brows were furrowed and it seemed like she found it hard to concentrate on her work. She squeezed her legs together and started rubbing them against each other. I love how every time when she needs to pee, she always starts off by crossing and squeezing her legs. 

I let her hold it while we focused on our work. Somehow my studies accelerated during this period thanks to my increased focus. I could see her edging towards the corner of her seat, and rubbing her vagina silently against the corner. She said she does this while she was in high school when she wasn't allowed to use the bathroom. Her brows were furrowed and she kept biting her lower lip. Was she doing this on purpose? Does she know just how impossibly sexy she can be? She looked up and saw me staring at her, and she immediately blushed. I can't resist the look when she's shy. I've said this to myself so many times. I feel guilty for liking to see her feel embarrassed. I feel like I'm not worthy for all that she's done for me. 

We gave it another 30 minutes. She was really desperate now. Her hand reached down and she squeezed her vagina. She stood up and walked with a bent waist over to me. Her cheeks were pink, probably from the heat. Her skirt crumpled as she held herself, revealing more of her legs. She's so cute when she puts on a miniskirt. She rested her head on my shoulder. "I really need to pee now." 

I fought the urge to touch her, and instead I had an idea of trying something new. I told her to try holding it without using her hands. She seemed surprised but she took her hand away. She started to squirm in her seat, while rubbing her legs together. She looked at me  with longing eyes as if asking for permission to hold herself. She kept giving out these little moans 'ooh' 'ah' that made me hard just by hearing it. Finally she said "can I please hold myself, I can't hold it anymore!" I nodded. 

She stuffed her hands under her skirt, and bent down, burying her face between her legs, her long hair flowing down her side. I was worried I might have hurt her, but then she looked up, with a painful smile on her beautiful face, "I really need to go." She was holding herself under her skirt. I love it when she does that. I can only imagine what her hands are doing down there. She looked so desperate, I feel bad for enjoying this. I've always had. She stood up and leaned her butt against the wall, crossing her legs into an X, she thrust her hands under her skirt and started shaking silently. I went over to her. She didn't look at me. I lifted her skirt. She gasped in surprise when I did, and I saw that both her hands were stuffed inside her panties. She looked very shy and I decided to go further. I took her panties off, and she grew even redder. What kind of monster am I? Who does this to the girl he loves? 

She pulled her skirt out of my hand and covered up her bare legs. After all this time she's still embarrassed to show me her vagina. She looked into my eyes and I could see a tear dangling in her eyes. It breaks my heart whenever I see that. I wanted to give her the key and let her pee, but I can't resist watching her holding herself, she looks so hot with her body bent while wearing that skirt. I told her to describe how badly she had to go. "I'm about to burst!" Like every time when she's up to her limit. 

I led her slowly to the table. Then I took her hands out of her skirt, and gently pushed her vagina to the corner of the table. She let out a little squeal, but she didn't resist. She bent down with her vagina against the corner and started rubbing against it. I asked her whether it helped and she gave me a faint smile. Her position was irresistible. I lifted the back of her skirt and touched her butt. I wanted to finger her but I knew she would pee herself quickly. So I just ran my palm over her butt and she didn't seem to mind. Another shot of guilt went through me as I watched her rub against the table. I can't believe I'm making her do this. She used to be so innocent and happy. Now I've led her into this. I'm a bad influence. Is this how you treat someone you love? 

Her panting became more and more strained. She turned her head and looked at me "it isn't helping anymore, I'm really about to pee myself, can I please have the key?" I told her to hold it a little longer. She lifted her skirt and squeezed her vagina with her middle and index finger like a pair of scissors. She has no idea how hot she is. She rubbed her belly with her other hand, and she kept looking at the bathroom door. She looks so cute when she needs to pee. I love her, and I hate myself for putting her through this.

She asked me for the keys again. I refused. She hopped over next to the bathroom door, and continued to hold herself. She was squeezing herself so hard I was afraid she might hurt herself. She asked me for the keys again. I don't think I've ever seen her this desperate. "Please, I'm not playing now!" I was torn between two sides of myself. She tried the locked door but it didn't open. Then she knelt down with her elbow jammed against her vagina. She was panting very hard, and she finally let out a really high pitches "Ooh!" And I saw pee coming out of her legs. She covered her vagina with her hand but pee gushed out uncontrollably. It might have been a minute before it ended. It's the first time I actually made her hold it till she lost control. 

I led her into the bathroom. I took our clothes off and turned on the shower. (He goes into great length to describe what we did next, I don't want to share that here.) 


Then we went to sleep after cleaning up. Even after what I did to her tonight she still hugs as me as she sleeps. I can't sleep. I can't after having forced the love of my life to pee herself, and enjoying it while she suffered. She acts like she doesn't mind now, but what if she's hiding her pain? People always claim men and women are equal. I disagree. Women are vastly superior to men. She would never have enjoyed it if I was put into the pain I put her in. Even after what I've done you, you still love me don't you? "

I almost cried after reading this. I thought he enjoyed omorashi as much as I did, but it turns out I was making him feel bad about it. What should I do? 

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Ally,

First of all you two seem like a really adorable couple. You both seem very concerned about what the other is feeling which is very admirable and will strengthen your relationship. It appears that he does enjoy omorashi as much as you do, It is my opinion that before having a discussion with him, does he know that you read this part of his journal on his phone? If not, be open and honest with him that you saw read his journal...sometimes journals are a private matter and he may want to keep it that way. Reassure him that you both love each other very much and that neither of you would wish to cause the other more pain than they could bare. Since neither of you wish to cause the other any real pain, perhaps before you engage in these holding sessions you two establish a safe word that either of you would use if you were truly at a dangerous pain level. First and foremost you want to protect your body and have fun. Whenever either of you use the safe word, the holding stops immediately, and you either relieve yourself or use the toilet.

This way, you relieve him of any guilt he may be feeling about your condition during a hold, and you also allow yourself to retain a measure of control over how far you are willing to go during these sessions.

My apologies for such a lengthy post, but again these are only suggestions and I hope they have helped. These suggestions can be a starting point for you two to discuss a solution that works for you.

*PS you may also wish to ease some of his guilt by taking more days rest between these sessions, but this part is really up to you. Again, be safe with your body, which I am sure you are.

 

Edited by amberpee (see edit history)
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Awww Ally you have a really sweet boyfriend :) there's nothing to worry about, you both sound perfect for each other. The only thing you have to do is improve the communication between you two. Make sure he knows you're enjoying it as much as he is. My boyfriend and I are completely connected in our thoughts when it comes to these things, and there's no guilt or shame whatsoever when we do it. Just be careful not to hurt each other's feelings. To tell the truth, it's really hard to find men as thoughtful as your boyfriend, who worries about you so much even when he's surrounded so many distractions (I'm sure you were a huge distraction, in a good way of course :D ). Wish you all the best my dear :) I hope you don't mind me asking but what did your boyfriend do in the shower? I'm referring to the part you deleted in the middle. Just curious that's all. 

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Guys are (or can be) very dense/direct and linear. (Maybe I am only talking about me and the guys I know well -but this is my best guess.). Nice guys worry a great deal if their partner is enjoying themself/ves.

Ally98, I would say to your boyfriend:

  • You love it  (use all caps when you tell him - it is important that he knows this is such a huge turn on) when he makes you pee yourself. (And kiss him passionately as you say it to him.)
  • Tell him you understand how it makes him feel conflicted emotionally.
  • Tell him that he is not making you suffer in the same way that someone cruel would make you suffer. You are a willing and active participant in the act of peeing yourself.
  • Assure him (because he seems like a great guy - one who actually cares about you and how you feel) that you love him (or whatever words work between you) and when you are finished and snuggle up to him, it is because he could not be a more attentive lover.
  • Make a word or phrase to use if/when you need to stop any "play" between yourselves. You may kave a leg cramp or find you are standing over an original Van Goth sketch and need him to unlock the bathroom door or let you sit on the toilet ( or whatever).
  • Assure him (yes, again, because he seems to be a caring guy, he may always worry) that he is not doing anything to you that is bad and/or you do not want.
  • If you write out a story or can find a story that has elements that make you absolutely drenched and put you in the mood to "let it all go" (so to speak), have him read it - to himself or to you. If he isn't that type (my wife isn't- she likes me to read to her and I love to read.). Use that story as an example of what you LOVE (not just like).

My wife is from New England and from a conservative IC background. A most things were taboo and made/make her feel guilty for having pleasure - even though she ached for it. This is not to mention her kinks. She liked mild bondage/spanking. She has hinted that there are more things she liked to do.

I tried. I honestly tried my very best to be more dominant, but even when I was doing everything right, the moment I would see pain or a tear, a "good one", my Anglophile comes out and I start apologizing, which ruins the mood for her. I feel like shit.

Later on in life, (for the past 8+ years), her body is not receptive to touch, much less penetration. We have tried. She is so tight that I believe she could snap a #2 pencil in half. Exams require sedation.

And then she tells me (after her PT - for her urinary and bowel incontinence) that she is afraid to initiate sex because it will be painful (at first for her) and seeing me worry about her kills the mood. Seeing her in pain kills the mood for me.

We both miss intimacy and sex very much. She is working on relaxing (with the PT - but not sexually - that will come with the next specialist - a urogynecologist). I am working on not showing visible concern at every wince or exclaimation of pain.

 

I hope my suggestions have helped and I have not bored you with my examples.

 

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Hi there.  I can't really speak much to the problem itself, because I can't really relate to it.  Sorry about that.  However, I noticed something else:

17 hours ago, Ally98 said:

But then I saw this in his journal in his phone

This concerns me a little.  First, does he know you're reading his journal?  And second, is he okay with you sharing it with strangers on the internet?  I have no idea what the circumstances are, but I do know that, if it were me, I would be very uncomfortable with people (much more with people I don't even know) reading about my innermost thoughts and struggles.

18 hours ago, Ally98 said:

probably because he never intended anyone to read this

If he doesn't know about this (and it looks like he doesn't) and ends up finding out, he could consider it a pretty big violation of trust - one that there may be no coming back from.  If there is any worry of this, then I would suggest getting a moderator to delete the post.

I'm not trying to make any presumptions here, but this just feels wrong to me.  I hope I'm just being too sensitive (which, honestly, would be the usual).

Good luck.

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Jesus christ. I can't properly express my opinions about this whole thing without being banned or at the very least, suspended from this site. Long story short, this is fake as hell, and even if it isn't, get the hell off of your boyfriend's phone. If he has the fetish, he uses this website. Either you're making up stories or you're boned. There's honestly nothing wrong with posting in the fiction section.

Edited by Bulge_Lover (see edit history)
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20 minutes ago, Bulge_Lover said:

Jesus christ. I can't properly express my opinions about this whole thing without being banned or at the very least, suspended from this site. Long story short, this is fake as hell, and even if it isn't, get the hell off of your boyfriend's phone. If he has the fetish, he uses this website. Either you're making up stories or you're boned. There's honestly nothing wrong with posting in the fiction section.

Dude.  I really don't think this is fake.  I can totally understand where this guy is coming from.

And there is no way that you can say that anyone who has that fetish uses this site.

 

 

Ally....  I agree with a lot of things Dynamic said.  This seems to be an invasion of privacy.  But I honestly just want to hug you....  This will all be okay (assuming he never knows you did this).  Like others have said, it's just a communication issue.  He needs to know you love this as much as he does.  *shakes head* I don't....  If I were him, I'd be a little pissed if you read my journal without me knowing.  I'd surprisingly be okay with you posting it looking for advice though, because they don't know me personally, and besides, I'm pretty open.  And it would show you cared enough to want to make it work.  What I'd be the most upset by though....  I'd be really upset that you didn't talk to me about it.  But....  I just want to hug you.  Because it seems there's a little more going on than just this.  Why were you reading his journal?....  Just to see what he thought about it and to read about his arousal?  Because that makes sense to me.

I guess the big thing I'm trying to say....  Talk to him and be honest that you truly do enjoy it and tell him that he could do more and you'd love that too.  He's the person who's at the crux of this, not all of us.  I'm glad I saw this before it got locked and deleted.

 

Best of luck, Ally.

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1 hour ago, Random_dude said:

I'd surprisingly be okay with you posting it looking for advice though, because they don't know me personally

Yeah now that I think about it, that's much better than sharing it with people he knows.  I don't know where my head was when I last posted.

Still, an invasion of privacy is pretty big deal, even if we have anonymity here.  I could see some potential benefit of @Ally98 confessing about the reading of the journal, if only to open a dialogue.  But I would honestly suggest keeping the whole posting about it thing a secret.

And then, you know, stop invading the poor guy's privacy.

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4 hours ago, Dynamic said:

Hi there.  I can't really speak much to the problem itself, because I can't really relate to it.  Sorry about that.  However, I noticed something else:

This concerns me a little.  First, does he know you're reading his journal?  And second, is he okay with you sharing it with strangers on the internet?  I have no idea what the circumstances are, but I do know that, if it were me, I would be very uncomfortable with people (much more with people I don't even know) reading about my innermost thoughts and struggles.

If he doesn't know about this (and it looks like he doesn't) and ends up finding out, he could consider it a pretty big violation of trust - one that there may be no coming back from.  If there is any worry of this, then I would suggest getting a moderator to delete the post.

I'm not trying to make any presumptions here, but this just feels wrong to me.  I hope I'm just being too sensitive (which, honestly, would be the usual).

Good luck.

It was really kind of you to tell me this, I appreciate it very much. While my boyfriend has no qualms with me using his phone (he doesn't lock it and always leaves it lying around), I have to agree that he wouldn't have liked it if I shared it here. He doesn't say anything about his journal and I don't he expects me to pay much attention to it, since most of it is a record of his university work to keep himself on track. But you're right, it was really stupid for me to ask for opinions here if it meant revealing his journal. 

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20 hours ago, amberpee said:

Ally,

First of all you two seem like a really adorable couple. You both seem very concerned about what the other is feeling which is very admirable and will strengthen your relationship. It appears that he does enjoy omorashi as much as you do, It is my opinion that before having a discussion with him, does he know that you read this part of his journal on his phone? If not, be open and honest with him that you saw read his journal...sometimes journals are a private matter and he may want to keep it that way. Reassure him that you both love each other very much and that neither of you would wish to cause the other more pain than they could bare. Since neither of you wish to cause the other any real pain, perhaps before you engage in these holding sessions you two establish a safe word that either of you would use if you were truly at a dangerous pain level. First and foremost you want to protect your body and have fun. Whenever either of you use the safe word, the holding stops immediately, and you either relieve yourself or use the toilet.

This way, you relieve him of any guilt he may be feeling about your condition during a hold, and you also allow yourself to retain a measure of control over how far you are willing to go during these sessions.

My apologies for such a lengthy post, but again these are only suggestions and I hope they have helped. These suggestions can be a starting point for you two to discuss a solution that works for you.

*PS you may also wish to ease some of his guilt by taking more days rest between these sessions, but this part is really up to you. Again, be safe with your body, which I am sure you are.

 

That's exactly what I needed to know, you're totally right. And don't worry about the long message, it was really kind of you to take the time to advise me on my problems, when I should've dealt with them alone. Thank you :) 

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2 hours ago, Random_dude said:

Ally....  I agree with a lot of things Dynamic said.  This seems to be an invasion of privacy.  But I honestly just want to hug you....  This will all be okay (assuming he never knows you did this).  Like others have said, it's just a communication issue.  He needs to know you love this as much as he does.  *shakes head* I don't....  If I were him, I'd be a little pissed if you read my journal without me knowing.  I'd surprisingly be okay with you posting it looking for advice though, because they don't know me personally, and besides, I'm pretty open.  And it would show you cared enough to want to make it work.  What I'd be the most upset by though....  I'd be really upset that you didn't talk to me about it.  But....  I just want to hug you.  Because it seems there's a little more going on than just this.  Why were you reading his journal?....  Just to see what he thought about it and to read about his arousal?  Because that makes sense to me.

I guess the big thing I'm trying to say....  Talk to him and be honest that you truly do enjoy it and tell him that he could do more and you'd love that too.  He's the person who's at the crux of this, not all of us.  I'm glad I saw this before it got locked and deleted.

 

Best of luck, Ally.

Yes I agree with Dynamic, and I'm really thankful you all took the time to tell me this. And don't worry, my boyfriend doesn't mind if I use his phone, but I do think I'm in the wrong for sharing his journal here ... I looked into his journal out of pure curiousity, and it was mostly about his university stuff, with a whole bunch of incomprehensible scientific terms. But I found this stuffed in midst of his journal and I was really hurt to find I was putting him through this much guilt. Anyway, I'm pretty reassured as to what to do now thanks to some of the other kind comments people have left here. Thank you for being kind with me too :)

Edited by Ally98 (see edit history)
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Had you paraphrased the journal rather than directly copying it, I think that would have helped your case immensely. If you can, I'd go back and change that part; I don't keep a journal, but this matter especially I wouldn't want being shared online in any capacity. I don't think you're a bad person for doing this, but you should never put someone else's personal thoughts, particularly on sexual matters, and doubly particularly if it's someone you love, online for anyone to see.

This feels like something he didn't want you to see, unless he's cool with you reading his journal, in which case i have no idea why he wrote this instead of telling you. If his intention was for you to find it, he'd probably have made that clear early in the post. So he probably didn't intend for you - his lover - to read this, so imagine how much he doesn't want strangers reading it. Something along the lines of "I found this out, we love one another and engage in omo play frequently, but he feels like he's hurting me and hates himself for being into watching me pee my pants etc." would have been far more respectful.

As for what to do now, be honest. If you lie about what you've done, not only are you going to regret it for the foreseeable future, but you're at least going to have to tell him you went through his journal if you want to confront him about this, and you should. First though, you're going to have to admit that you've done something very wrong in posting this - not the advice request, mind, just the journal - and ask for forgiveness.

I hope things go well for you, as it sounds like you both love each other dearly, but I can't in good conscience condone this sort of invasion of privacy.

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12 hours ago, Ally98 said:

I should've dealt with them alone.

You shouldn't have to deal with problems like this alone.  Ideally, you should be able to talk about them with your boyfriend.  If that isn't possible, or you are uncomfortable, then there is a great community here ready and willing to help.  I agree with @anonymous guy choc that it would be better to paraphrase, or even loosely allude, rather than post your boyfriends thoughts outright.  I think your heart was in the right place, and it was just an honest mistake.

Best of luck.

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No he loves it! He's afraid you don't. You should just be honest with him, sit down and talk to him about it.

He absolutely loves doing this to you, but he thinks it's wrong. Just explain to him the difference between consensual TPE like what I assume was practiced here and what he thinks it is.

Also, come up with a safe word. That will help you two a lot more.

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You can edit your topic to remove the section with his journal in it and just paraphrase the parts where he thinks it's wrong

And, what pretty much everyone else said, you should tell him you enjoy this as much as he does and to not feel bad about doing this to you. After all, you are the one who puts him up to it, right?

I do understand how he feels - I sometimes feel the same about fetishizing fictional characters in this way. But I try to remember that's completely harmless cause no one's getting hurt, just like how he's not doing anything to you that you dislike.

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I'm making a few assumptions from the info in the OP so please feel free to correct me if I am way off base, however I assume he plays the more dominant roll in the relationship and you are both happy when he is "on top" in these situations, if so then what he is thinking/felling is really not uncommon. 

All of the better Dom males will have thought like this at some point during their sex life, (if not then they are likely just assholes that like hurting people, they often call themselves "true Doms" or maybe "christian grey" ;) ) it's not easy to reconcile being a normal nice person generally with getting your kicks in way that causes pain, discomfort or humiliation to another. 

He needs to, and will, come to understand that being sexually dominant or sadistic is not instantly a bad or evil thing, its OK for him to be excited by your submissive/masochistic behaviour in the same way it is ok for you to be excited by both your and his role. What makes it OK is simply that your are both willing participants, you respect each others boundaries and you stay away from things that will cause permenant harm, the phrase used is " safe, sane and consensual".

It sounds to me like the two of you are at a point where it will really help to start talking about how things make you feel, set some boundaries as that will let him know anything upto that limit is OK and both be willing to say no/stop if things go to far. (Traffic lights can be great for this, it will allow him to just say 'green' and you can then respond with 'green' for OK, 'amber' for OK but no more or at any time 'red' for stop now. It also help as it will let you beg without him thinking you really want to stop things).

Finally and I know some here may condemned me for this, but I think you need to be very careful about letting him know you read his journal, I think it might be best to leave it out of the conversation all together, relationships like this rely on mutual trust and this could put a big dent in it. Fess up at a later date if you need to but get your feelings and ground rules square before you do.

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