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female I'm Going To Wet My Pants


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"I'm going to wet my pants!" Nita announced.

I looked around. The paths this close to Robert Hall were all brightly lit, even so late at night, and the bushes had all been cut back harshly. Anti-sexual assault measures, which was great, but could be a bit of a problem if you were caught short. 

"Can you hang on till we get back to the Hall?" I said while still looked for anywhere halfway concealed for her.

She looked at me baffled for a moment before laughing, "Oh God! Not now! Calm your farm El. I just mean in principle."

It was my turn to look confused. I had no words.

"I've decided that at some point in the future, the near future, I'm going to wet my pants. But definitely not tonight. So you can look a little less horrified."

I suspect I did not look less horrified. "Why?" I managed to splutter. 

"Because I never have. And I think it might be interesting. It'll certainly be a different experience. And Uni is all about collecting different experiences."

She was quoting herself. Nita was all about collecting different experiences. She still is if her Facebook is any indication.

"Where did you even get the idea of wetting yourself? How does that even occur to a person."

"Oh. Um. Sarah McEwen. You know, hot chick, lives downstairs, huge boobs" She mimed her breasts ridiculously larger, "she peed herself at the traffic-light party a couple of weeks ago. It was everywhere. And I got to thinking. I could do that."

She kept talking before I could comment on that particular story. "Hey, when did you last wet yourself?"

I'm sure I blushed. "Ages ago."

"Well yeah. You don't drink like Sarah McEwen. But when. I'm looking for ideas."

"Like second class." I didn't particularly want to talk to her about that experience and hoped she'd move on.

"When you were in second class? Or in second class?"

"The later. Speech on Neptune." I tried to convey with my tone that we were done talking about that.

She winced "That would have been embarrassing. I'm sorry."

I didn't respond. I, at least, was done with that story.

"So I've been practicing wetting my undies in the bathroom." She said diffusing the tension.

"You've been what? Wait... I thought you said you've never wet yourself?" I accused her.

"I meant accidentally and you know it. But anyway, it's actually really hard to pee yourself on purpose. The first time took me ages. I had to wait until I was absolutely busting before I could make it happen. I've improved though. I'm confident I can wet myself in public when it's time."

"Why do you even need to? I mean you've had the experience of wetting yourself now?"

"Yeah. It's warm and wet and a bit gross. But it isn't authentic." Nita was big on authenticity. "I'm probably the only person to ever deliberately wet their undies on a toilet. Which is interesting in and of itself. But I want the whole thing. The...." She grasped for a word. "Authentic experience."

"But how is that even possible? You quite literally can't plan to have an accident. The concept defies the very nature of planning!"

She shook her head, "Strictly speaking. But as long as any external observers believe it to be an accident for all intents and purposes it is an accident."

It was too late at night for this debate. I'm still not sure who was right about that. I'm not sure telling this story now, thirteen years after the fact, changes anything. It didn't matter. She was sure. This was happening.

"So why are you telling me? If people need to believe it is an accident?" I asked

"Because I don't like to lie to you." She glanced at me sideways beneath her electric blue hair. "Anyway. I'm looking for suggestions. I'm only going to do this once so it need to be spectacular. It needs to be embarrassing. It needs to be memorable!" This was Nita at her most compelling, most intoxicating. When she threw herself so enthusiastically at a project that you couldn't help being swept along with her.

By this time we had made it back to Roberts. We went up to one of our rooms and discussed her options inconclusively for a while until we fell asleep. We didn't mention it again after that night and for a while I thought she'd decided better of the whole affair.

Anyone who was at Queensland State back in 2004 probably knows how completely wrong about that I was.

But I'll still finish it for everyone else next week....

 

Katy: I know where I'm taking this story anyway. But if anyone wants to make suggestions I'm totally open to switching horses mid-stream if I like your idea better than mine.

 

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"I'm going to wet my pants!" Nita whispered.

"Go to the bathroom." I hissed back in confusion.

We were near the back of one of the older lecture theaters, halfway through a mostly tedious lecture on Etruscan pottery. I knew Nita wasn't the type of person to have a problem with just slipping out the back door mid-lecture. But then I remembered that night a few months earlier when she'd been plotting having an "accident".

"Wait. This is on purpose isn't it."

"Only in the abstract." Her smile was triumphant and she continued with pride at having unknotted a particularly difficult problem. "So I was probably never going to just wet my pants under normal conditions, right? So I had to change the conditions. Last week I decided that I would become the kind of person who won't use public toilets. I've had to go back to Roberts to pee. Maybe that would have worked eventually, but I got bored. So today I became that girl who is constantly drinking water. You know, for my figure." She flipped her hair, hot pink now, in a very un-Nita like way.

My heart beat quickly. This was kinda stressful. "But why can't you just run back to the rooms now?"

"Ah. Well. I'm now also the kinda person who would never dream of interrupting a lecture to go to the toilet." She flashed me a toothy grin. :"Besides. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't make it back in time anyway."

"So... what? You're just going to piss yourself right there in your seat?" I'm sure my eyes were wide. She would have been loving my reaction. Nita loved reactions.

"I might. Or I might be able to hold it till we are done not paying attention to the development of bucchero terracotta. I do have a pretty strong bladder after all."

Her attention switched to the black-figure vase paintings that were projected of the screen at the front of the room. Our decrepit professor was wheezily comparing them to Greek vase-painting. I didn't really pay much more attention than that I'm afraid. Nita was far more interesting. Despite my disapproval of her project it was a bit like a car crash; I had trouble looking away.

She wasn't particularly obvious in her desperation. I mean, I hadn't even noticed till she told me. But now I couldn't unsee it. Her legs were moving slowly but constantly. Of course she was wearing a pair of faded and worn blue jeans, because what else would you wear the day you intended on wetting your pants? Her face glowed with a faint sheen of sweat, even though it wasn't overly warm. The copious flood of notes she habitually took was written in an uncharacteristically unsteady hand. Her right hand. Her left was buried in her lap. The fold down desk attached to her chair disguised that though.

But all in all, if you didn't know she was busting you probably wouldn't be able to tell.

The clock ticked by and the professor was telling us which chapters we should read over the next week. I was just relieved that Nita hadn't made a puddle. I'm sure I was more stressed than her. As people started to get up to leave Nita leaned over and whispered in my ear, "I think I'm leaking."

"What!" I hissed at her, "How do you not know?" I was getting pissed off that she was calm and I was the one freaking out over her  bladder control.

"Things have got a bit numb." She sounded fascinated. "But also rather... moist."

"Will you walk behind me and let me know if anything is visible?"

It was very visible. A wet patch the size of a teacup right on her bottom. I told her so. "Can we go to the bathroom now," I whined. I just wanted this experience to be over.

"Of course!" But she hobbled straight past the toilets that were right next to the theater.

"Really? It's like a twenty minute walk back to Roberts from here!"

"I'm afraid of public toilets."

"No you aren't! That's just a thing you've made up!"

She stopped and looked me in the eye. "I am committed to authenticity. Besides. Enjoy this a little El. You're acting like you're the one who is on the brink of humiliating herself in front of randoms. And her best friend. This is an experience you'll want to tell people about one day."

I smiled back at her. She was right of course. "Who would I possibly want to tell about the time my friend pissed herself because she wouldn't use a public toilet?" I teased.

"Don't know. Things come up." We were walking again by now, past students carrying books and coffees, past the fountain commemorating the tenth Conception Day.

"My sister pissed herself once because she wouldn't use a public toilet." Nita remarked, copying my words. "See. It comes up."

"Seriously?"

I'd met Nita's sister Chloe before. She called Nita "Anita". It was the first time I realized Nita wasn't actually her real name, even though we'd been friends for a semester by that time.

"Uh huh. It's where I got the idea. Didn't want to pee at the movies after we saw Kill Bill because she thought she could hold it till we got home. Couldn't. Peed all over my car seat just as I was driving into our street. You've never noticed the stain on the fabric? That's where that's from."

I hadn't. But I did check later on and there was indeed a stain on Nita's passenger seat. I was never totally keen to sit on the seat where Nita's sister had peed herself after that.  

I was fairly sure the wet patch on Nita's bum was slowly expanding. Whether she was still leaking, or if walking was just spreading the wetness around, I didn't know.

"How are you going?"

"Touch and go. It feels better to be walking. But... it also feels like it might just all come pouring out at any moment."

We stopped talking about pee and just chatted about something else to keep our minds off it.

I was a bit surprised that she was still holding on when we made it back to Roberts Hall. I'd pretty much resigned myself to her having an accident as we walked. We lived on the third floor and took the stairs, Nita declared she'd wet herself for sure if she had to stand and wait in the lift. At the top of the stairs Nita took off running into the bathroom. I considered following her but decided I didn't really want to and went to my room instead. About ten minutes later there was an urgent rapping at my door. As soon as I opened it Nita pushed her way past me and into my room. Her jeans were soaked to the ankles down both legs.

"Whoh... Didn't make it huh?" I almost laughed.

"Why didn't you check on me? I was sitting in one of the cubicles for ten freaking minutes!" She wasn't exactly angry but she definitely wasn't happy.

"Sorry. I thought you made it." I apologized.

"Clearly not." She said wryly as she lifted one leg after another. Then she took off her pants. Nita was like that. In her mind taking her clothes off around me was totally fine even though I never took mine off around her. I turned away to give her some unneeded privacy.

"I lost control near the top of the stairs." She said. "I think it might have been because I knew the toilet was so close."

"I think that's a thing." I offered.

"I know that's a thing now." She agreed. "You can look at me again now." She was smirking at my discomfort and had wrapped herself in my towel. Her clothes lay in a wet pile on my floor. 

"I better have a shower. And clean up the puddle on the bathroom floor before anyone walks in it."

"I'll come back for my clothes." She added as she noticed my eyeing them before she swept back out of my room.

 

And as far as I was concerned that was the end of that.

As far as Nita was concerned that was a practice run.

 

On 2/22/2017 at 5:00 PM, Brandie said:

Wonderful! I am looking forward to the conclusion!

 

On 2/23/2017 at 9:57 AM, SofullItHurts said:

I am liking the build up of this story, looking forward to reading what happens next

Thanks for commenting! It's going to be in three parts in total. I should finish it off next week sometime. :)

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"I told you I was going to wet my pants." Nita feigned surprise. She knew full well there was no way I would have seen coming what she had done earlier in the afternoon.

"I thought you already had. You know, that other time." I motioned my head in the general direction of the bathroom Nita had wet her jeans in the year before. "You never said you were going to do it twice! As a matter of fact you specifically said you were only going to do it once."

"Technically yes. But no one ever found out about that other time. If a girl wets herself in the forest do her pants still get wet?"

"Yes! Of course they do. She has agency. It counts. A person is not a tree, and that is not a paradox."

"Even still." Nita was undeterred, "The point was never to find out what it feel like to wet myself privately. That's boring, predictable, and not worth doing. I wanted to find out what it feels like to wet myself in public."

"Well you certainly did that."

She had. Spectacularly. Because Nita doesn't do half measures.

She was giving a speech at our graduation, on behalf of the entire 2004 ancient history graduation class. There were hundreds of people present. A thousand maybe. All our classmates, our lecturers, the top university brass. Her parents were there.

And she peed herself. All over the stage. It was incredible.

An unmissable waterfall that soaked her clinging white dress virtually see-through. 

"Are you telling people it was an accident?" I asked.

"Of course. If the university found out it wasn't they might withhold my degree or something. And besides, the embarrassment is what I signed up for. Gotta experience it properly." Nita didn't look embarrassed. I said as much.

"I'm hard to embarrass. But trust me. I really did want to cry up there. It was... intense. You should try it sometime." She said with a note of challenge that I politely ignored. 

"Still you finished the damn speech. And then sat back down on stage for the rest of the presentation. I'd have run off."

"Nah. You're a pro. You'd have done what you had to. And anyways no one actually said anything about it."

Not to her. There was plenty of discussion down in the audience. But she was right. The presentation just proceeded almost undisturbed. The part of the stage occupied by Nita's puddle was avoided. It was as if the "accident" was so out of comprehensible experience that no one knew how to react. So no one reacted at all. 

Nita became "that girl who wet herself at graduation" after that. She quite loved to discuss it at parties, mostly because it made her the centre of attention. At least for the next few months. After that she moved to Slovakia for a while. And never came back.

So there's a story. It's been so long I'm sure Nita won't mind me telling it. Hell, it probably only adds to her mystique to know the truth. After all; anyone could have an accident.

But only Nita would pee herself in front of a thousand people just for an authentic experience.

 

 

On 2/24/2017 at 2:15 PM, Brandie said:

You are doing a wonderful job of describing El's astonishment and Nita's brashness. Love it and again look forward to the next instalment. And I kinda hope in the future Nita breaks down El's resistance and she decides to try it too.

Thank you. :) Building their characters is what I'm practicing here. 

4 hours ago, Ranpalan said:

Awesome writing, as always!  Looking forward to the rest.

  Thanks for commenting! Hope you like it. :)

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On 2/27/2017 at 3:24 PM, Bellatrixfan said:

That was a awesome story =)

 

On 2/28/2017 at 0:51 AM, Brandie said:

Love it. Thanks for writing!

Thanks! Glad it was enjoyed :)

 

On 2/28/2017 at 3:56 AM, AliasnameTO said:

Nita sounds like oodles of fun. :D Will she ever be able to defrost El when it comes to wetting issues? And wild-colored hair has turned into something that really excites me as of late. Love it!

You know, Nita is more or less a caricature of me at that stage of my life. I might have been a little less insufferable, or maybe I just hope so. But I absolutely did lots things for the unusual experience and, I don't like saying this, the attention. And I had green hair for a semester. :p

I intended this to be the end of the story, and it is, but since I'm hearing a bit of interest in El I'm working her into another story that I've had percolating in the back of my mind that didn't have a solid narrator. I might visit Nita-as-narrator in the long run. :) 

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