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Shouldn't "Come Out?"


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So a while back I read a post about the new ABDL store in MT Prospect, IL. One comment struck me square in the face. The idea that we should only keep "girlfriends, boyfriends, fellow ABDLs and not much else" in the loop.

I personally feel that I would give my left kidney for a society that would chose to actually accept me in my own country for what I am. It's ridiculous that something that affects a good chunk of our life can be considered different from that of Homosexuality. It's still a part of my personality as much as me being a female or me being bi-sexual or any other thing that ranges from "I like tacos" to "I like pizza." And the concept that we can't be allowed to share that side of ourself with anyone else feels completely insane to me.

While I personally don't go shouting it in everyone's faces, I honestly don't really care who knows and who doesn't know. For example, I don't feel that me being an ABDL should dictate my choice of clothing. Who cares if I end up on the Waste Band Picture's thread? Take all the damn photos you feel like and just post them on every bleeping site that you can possible find on the Internet and go positively nuts with it. Freedom of Journalism and all that.

And all these fictional stories about what happens when we get caught by our parents. I used to think that one of those events was actually going to happen. To be fair, when every single story relating to a boy/girl getting caught alone in their diapers includes the same classic Archetype, could you blame me for thinking that way? My parents simply had me pay out of my allowance when I was younger. Of course not everyone's that lucky so the whole fear of parents thing I can sort of understand.

Overall, what I'm getting at is that it's completely silly that we should even concern ourselves with the thoughts of others.

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I've posted pretty blatant pictures and videos of myself on this site, as well as others. I figure if people are on here, then they're looking for that type of thing. And even if someone I knew in real life found out, so what? Diapers are a part of my life, and if someone is going to make fun of me for it, well I wouldn't really care.

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Not too into diapers myself, but have had some experience with deciding when and when not to "come out" about certain things (sexuality, religion, omo, etc.) so I decided to give my two cents.

First, though, I'd like to give you mad props for being confident enough in yourself and your interests to be open about this in a public scene. Not many people can do that. And it's that sentence I'd like to get into.

Unfortunately, a lot of people ARE afraid to "come out", regardless of what that might entail. It took me years to come out to my parents about my sexuality, and while my dad's supportive when it comes up, my mom is...not. So I definitely understand why people would be wary of telling others, their parents especially. But, like you, it's not something I really keep secret, though I don't bring it up unless someone asks or makes an offhandedly offensive comment (or I just feel comfortable enough around them to say it). Religion is similar - I don't talk about it unless it comes up. And omo? Well, only one person I know offline knows I like omo, and it's kind of her fault in the first place, haha. I have another friend, though, who is kinda anti-omo, but while it makes me uncomfortable at times, it doesn't make me like her any less - you're not always going to like everything about your friends/family.

I think that you're right about the fictional stories showing the "getting caught" (with diapers or otherwise) as negative - they can be unrealistic in how parents and good friends would actually react. And like you said, it is highly problematic for readers trying to become more comfortable in their fetish and feeling more like themselves.

At the same time, though, even if those stories weren't around, I think some people would still have trouble "coming out", as they know that it's not a "common" thing and that people (who are not into it, or know people who are into it) would possibly give them weird looks at best, and who-knows-what at worst. A lot of people will struggle with that until/unless it becomes kinda "mainstream", for lack of a better word.

And yes. It would be awesome if we could all be open about our fetishes, especially omo-related ones. But unfortunately, it takes a confident person to do that. So good on you, and maybe people like you can help out those of us who are nervous, or even afraid.

:)

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I think the issue about keeping people in the loop is why would you want to? What possible benefit could you derive from, say, your parents knowing (which is what a lot of people seem to want)?

23 hours ago, Dark Star said:

It's ridiculous that something that affects a good chunk of our life can be considered different from that of Homosexuality.

The difference between ABDL (and BDSM and any kink or sexual preference) and homosexuality is the there were (and are) specific legal barriers and vigilante action against them. Committed gay couples could not get married, could not receive marital benefits or be declared next of kin. Individuals couldn't serve in the military until they could if they could keep it a secret. Also, there were are are still hate crimes against them. Even though the US Supreme Court struck down anti-sodomy laws, homosexual men are still rounded up by police and jailed in places like Baton Rouge, Louisiana. So the difference is that ABDL stuff isn't against the law and there is no widespread exclusion of ABDLs from wider participation in American society. Sure, people can be ostracized and humiliated, and that sucks, but it isn't the same. And at the heart of the advice of not "outting" yourself to people you don't intend to sleep with is do not put yourself in a position of being humiliated if you don't need to, especially if it will strain your relationship with whomever you tell.

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For some of us who deal with incontinence issues, we're in diapers on a daily basis, and the risk of being 'outed' is high. Even with that, there are a lot of us who, having dealt with it since a younger age, have turned to DL as a coping mechanism. You get to the point that you are happy to put on your diaper every day, because you've dealt with accidents and the fallout from those far too many times. It's security for you, and the likelihood of being embarrassed by being found out is nowhere near as bad as the embarrassment of wetting yourself uncontrollably somewhere you don't want to.

After a while, we get to the point we get much more nonchalant about our diapers, because it's just what we deal with. It's better to sit in a wet diaper at work than it is wet pants. So yeah, I'm at a point I don't really care who knows about it anymore.

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Ragtime, I would like to comment on your reply.

First of all, some ABDLs like the idea of being "humiliated". To them, being outed as an ABDL and being subject to humiliation would most likely be a positive experience.

Second, I think we need to look at the definition of "humiliated". Here is what Google says:

hu·mil·i·ate
(h)yo͞oˈmilēˌāt/
verb
past tense: humiliated; past participle: humiliated
  1. make (someone) feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect, especially publicly.
    "you'll humiliate me in front of the whole school!"

In order to be humiliated, one's dignity and self-respect has to be harmed. If you possess self-confidence and you learn to like yourself regardless of what others think, then it doesn't matter if someone else discovers that you are an ABDL. In other words, the only way one can be humiliated is if they let themselves be humiliated. Other people can think what they want, but if you don't let it affect you, then it isn't true humiliation. Public ridicule, yes, but humiliation, no.

If you or any other ABDL or omorashi fetishist chooses not to "come out", that's fine, that's their personal choice. But in my view, all that does is support the ideology that our fetish is bizarre or taboo. We like diapers. So what? It's not really that big of a deal. It's only a "big deal" if you make it out to be that way. If you view your fetish as not a major issue, then it doesn't have to be one.

I'd also like to say that one benefit I've had from telling others about my diaper fetish is that it gives me a personal judgement of their own character. I've generally found that those who were understanding, loving and supportive have usually been more accepting individuals, and we ultimately became closer as a result. Those who were disgusted or disinterested usually turned out to be superficial and flaky. Interestingly, but perhaps somewhat unsurprisingly, those who were accepting of my fetish and took a genuine interest were generally more intelligent individuals. So I would say that telling others about my fetish and being open allows me to gauge them as people and, in many cases, determine whether or not I wish to continue a personal relationship with them.

Look, I'm not saying to run out and tell everyone about your ABDL side. That would be foolish and unnecessary, unless you particularly want exposure in the form of exhibitionism (which even if you do, that is perfectly fine). But I've found that not telling others only holds relationships back. For me personally, I can only get so close to someone who I haven't told about my diaper fetish. Not telling someone or avoiding the issue eventually limits how deep of a connection I can form with that person. It seems to create an unspoken and somewhat awkward barrier that usually results in us becoming more distant, and eventually we stop talking or discontinue any attempt to become closer. In other words, there comes a time with almost anyone that I try to become close to that I need to tell them about my ABDL side so that they can ultimately understand me better as a person. Maybe it's different for the rest of you, but that's how it is for me.

tl;dr: Our fetish is only as big of a deal as you make it. Telling others can be a great way to form tight bonds and close relationships/friendships. And if they aren't accepting, honestly, they probably aren't very good people to begin with.

Edited by poads (see edit history)
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I'm not into diapers at all, but I am a straight male who wears panties exclusively so I do get this. Nobody knows and I'm not telling anyone, but my methods of hiding them aren't TOO reliable and chances are someone in my family will discover it someday unless they're all completely oblivious. Which...they kind of are, but still. I'm not too afraid of being 'discovered,' as they do know that I'm hiding something, though they don't know what. They'd probably just be relieved that it's not drugs or guns lol.

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Hey @poads, fair enough if you find benefit telling people to bring your relationship to the next level. You seem to have done a cost/benefit analysis and for you, the benefits clearly outweigh the negatives (especially since you don't find the ridicule humiliating). My comment was intended to do two things: 1) establish a criterion for telling someone (when I asked why would you want to keep people in the loop and what possible benefit would you derive) and 2) to state that having a diaper fetish is not like homosexuality, because being LGBT has legal and social consequences beyond being the butt of a joke or losing friends.

Also, and this is going to sound about 20% more snarky than I intend it to, Google is not an authority on the meaning of words. Humiliate, in any form, comes from the Latin humilare, meaning to bring low, as in the humble, which is a cognate. The Oxford English Dictionary (which is an authority on the English language defines humiliating (as an adjective) "That humiliates; that lowers one's dignity or self-respect; abasing, mortifying." As in your feelings may or may not matter in whether you were humiliated by something. What matters is that you were brought low, that you enter into a state of lessened dignity. Dignity just means the quality of being worthy or honorable (OED), which is why the definition adds the option of self-respect to a possible quality to be injured in the act of humiliation.

I know that was pedantic, but I feel that the situation that causes ABDLs to want their fetish to be normalized is the very real threat of humiliation, not only in self-esteem but in being seen as undignified in the sense of being unworthy of respect, potentially jobs, or companionship. These are real instances of debasement, though, as I said, they are not remotely the same as dangers of being gay in a not too distant past of armed police raids of gay bars, of being barred from the benefits of marriage, and of vigilante anti-gay violence.

Edited by ragtime
typo: far when I meant fair (see edit history)
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