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How to tell my my girlfriend?


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Long time lurker here, and I need some advice.

 

I've always been into this, before I even knew what sex was I was 'turned on' by it, and no one knows that I'm into it. So, this year while at university, I met a girl and we started dating. We've been together about 4/5 months, but at the moment we are both back from where we come from for the duration of the summer, but she's coming to visit in a couple of weeks. Towards the end of the academic year, things started to happen in the bedroom. Neither of us have had sex before, but we have tried a couple of times without success (but I won't get sidetracked by that now), and we have been exploring other things, still very much vanilla. She has a couple of kinks, nothing that I would consider a full-blown fetish though, at least not on the scale of omorashi (for instance she has mentioned multiple times that one of her fantasies is to have sex outside, and she is quite into biting).

 

Other than omorashi, I'm vanilla, no other kinks or quirks really, and she doesn't know yet. I am almost 100% certain she doesn't share my fetish, as we were chatting on the phone the other day and I can't remember how it came up, but she was talking about how hitting the g spot makes girls need to pee, and then something about peeing during sex was mentioned. She went on to say something like this: "Yeah that'd kill the mood. Well, unless you're into that, you never know, but I'll go with the safe bet that you're not". I mean all of this was in a jokey tone, and we were laughing, but from this I can say with relative certainty that she isn't into it, and she thinks I'm also not. Also I should mention that I never actually confirmed that I wasn't into it, I only laughed.

 

So, how should I go about telling her about my fetish? I don't want to creep her out or anything, and I certainly don't want to give the impression that I'm forcing her to do anything she doesn't want to; I'm more or less perfectly happy with a normal vanilla sex life if she is uncomfortable with it. I am also torn about how big of a deal to make it. If I make it a big deal, she could get uncomfortable about it, and I don't want her to think of me any differently because of it, but if I make it out like it's not, she might dismiss it entirely or tell others, which I don't really want, and if I tell her not to tell anyone then it comes across as a big deal.

 

Aaahhh, dilemma. Don't know the best way to approach this, so help would be appreciated.

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 My advice is to have a private conversation with her about your fetish. Tell her about your fetish, what it is, why you like it etc., and maybe even ask her if she'd be open to do some things for you Ex, hold pee etc. Make it very clear that you don't expect her to partake in these activities if she feels uncomfortable. If you're ok with a "vanilla sex life" then definitely make it super clear you are fine with it if she's not into omorashi. Communication and trust are extremely important in a relationship.

 

I hope this helps, and I wish you the best of luck in your relationship.

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I don't know her, but if she really loves you, she wouldn't mind at all. I'm speaking from experience.

 

 

My girlfriend is an absolute prude, she doesn't like sex, or anything even remotely related, despite being an adult she still doesn't know 90% of sexual stuff. But as she was my girlfriend, I decided to just let her in on it anyway, allowing her to become the first and only person in my life to know about this, and also wondering if she would do omorashi stuff for me.

 

After I told her, she was admitted that it was a rather weird fetish and her absolute zero tolerance for any bodily discharge prevented her from doing any omorashi stuff for me, but she didn't mind it anyway and our relationship is still perfectly healthy. 

 

 

I would say just go for it, who knows you'll turn out to be luckier than I am. Sounds like there's a chance she might be even into it, it could spice up your love life  :wink:

 

If you do go for it, let us know how it goes!  :smile:

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As you already mentioned, I also believe that it's important not to make too big a deal out of it. If you make your fetish sound weird then that's the impression she'll get of it. Just act as if you were telling her something as ordinary as what you've had for breakfast. You should probably think about what exactly you want to let her know (how you feel, what you enjoy... whatever the reason is why you feel that you wanna tell her) so that you have more to say other than "I'm into peeing" followed by awkward silence. I'm not sure how much I'd go into detail after that, but I would recommend that you bring up the subject and let her decide how much information she wants on it. 

 

Regarding that phonecall I wouldn't even conclude that she's absolutely not into your fetish. 

"Yeah that'd kill the mood. Well, unless you're into that, you never know, but I'll go with the safe bet that you're not"

Couldn't that something that one of us would say to our partner hoping that he/she would state that peeing in fact is his/her thing?

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Thanks for the advice guys.

 

A little update, still about a week and a half before she visits, but I had a bit of an episode this morning and felt really shit for various reasons, the stress of telling her this included. So I called her up to talk it out and I mentioned to her that I had something that I wanted to tell her when I see her, so it's happening whether I like it or not now :P

 

Anyway, yeah, thanks for the advice, and wish me luck!

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I think you missed a good oportunity on the phone. What do you guys know about psychology? You could have a look at the work by Freud on early sexuality. My partner confessed to me after I accidentally leaked a bit during sex and I was apologising and he said 'don't worry. I thought iT was hot' and the relief from him not being grossed out lasted longer than the feeling that he was a bit weird.

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  • 3 weeks later...

You said you have been going out like 4 or 5 months right? Well unless you guys have grown very close in that time, like past the farting in front of each other phase, I would wait, saying it that early in the relashonship might make her thnk you expect it of her which you dont want because as we both know doing stuff like this can be uneasy for some people. When you do eventually tell her dont say it like you expect her to do it say it like you just felt she should she should know since shes your partner and even if she doesnt like it then she may evenually grow to accept it. I hope this helps I know a lot of people have problems wth this.

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Well, if it were me, I'd just throw it out there (I would have brought it up when she was discussing what she was into). "Oh you're into biting? That's no big deal, I'm into omorashi (or however you want to phrase it, I wouldn't necessarily start with a Japanese phrase she might not be familar with). Then you just play it by ear, see how she reacts. Don't expect anything right off the bat. Something might not happen for a long time (if ever), but one day she might be feeling up to it, or she might "reward" you with it (that is, pee stuff). I don't see the need to specify things that should be assumed (like that you aren't going to force her into anything). Just let your fetish be known, and see what happens. I wouldn't go about beating around the bush, making it seem worse than what it is. "Um... I'm kinda into this particular fetish, and I don't think you'll be into it, and I hope we'll be able to stay together but I just gotta let you know that I have a pee fetish." Makes it seem like you're ashamed of your fetish, or that you believe it's somehow bad, or unhealthy. I think one of the things we have to tackle, as a group, is dispelling common culture's general assumptions about urine (how disgusting it is, etc.). The way I think would be helpful is if you treat it like it was something as run-of-the-mill as liking biting, or spanking, or something along those lines.

 

As far as her telling other folks, that's just the risk you take by telling people your secrets. You could try to preface the reveal by saying something like "You gotta promise not to tell anyone!", but you know how well that works out. I mean, shouldn't the long term goal be to make our fetish seem as normal, and vanilla, as say, BDSM? Something that you could make a mainstream movie out of and have no one bat an eye?

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  • 2 weeks later...

I've been in essentially the same situation as you. Like you, I've been into this for a very long time. I'm more into the regular variety of pee than omo, but the basic situation is the same. One night, when we were in bed (we had never had sex at this point, and it was only months after that we did) I decided, screw it. So, stammering like an idiot all the while, I finally ended up telling her about it. Her reaction? "Oh, okay."

 

To her it wasn't a big deal at all. Initially she said she wouldn't be comfortable in doing that, and I told her I'd never make her do anything she didn't want to do. Fast forward a few years...and now she's fine with peeing for me if we're alone. I must admit I never asked to wet herself, but she might be willing to give that a try too.

 

The bottom line is, don't be afraid to tell her. She'll most likely be understanding of it, especially since you have no intention to make her do anything. Good luck!

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I texted my boyfriend my interests lol. We were talking about our interests and he said he liked something but wasn't going to tell me. After some coaxing he managed to get me to reveal my fetish. I just texted him "i like omorashi. Google it" his response "I've never heard it called that before". Later that day i was peeing for him =)

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  • 5 years later...

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