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  1. Imagine you a lover of art. Imagine your are in America's city, New York City. Imagine you are at the Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum. At the Guggenheim, let us say your interests tend toward the modern, the salon of early twentieth century Paris. Let us say, you wind your way up the the nautilus-style ramp to the second level to see Amedeo Modogliani's Nu ("Nude," 1917) or perhaps, because you are feeling naughty, Vassily Kandinsky's Keine Freuden ("Small Pleasures," 1913). Imagine that before embarking up the spiralling ramps, you had a glass of wine with your lunch of watermelon gazpacho and bay salmon. Maybe you had two. Maybe you now feel your bladder filling, but knowing the importance of the sublime, you soldier on, appreciating the beauty of art. You reach the third floor. It is afternoon, and tiring, you'd like to see the exhibits on contemporary art of the Middle East and North Africa on the fourth and fifth floors. The gods of art and stimulation, smile on you. There is an espresso bar on the third floor. You have quite a big vanilla latte. You are sketching rembrances of the non-objective paintings you saw so far, and before you finish your latte, let us imagine, your bladder is no longer filling but full. You need to take such a modernist piss. Sucking down the rest of the latte, you climb the ramp. What are you, Sisyphus? You pass by a large exhibit of dried flowers on the floor called Study for a Monument (2013–2016) by Abhas Akhavan and a video called A Brief History of Collapses (2012) by Mariam Ghani. You are tempted to stop and feel. But you don't because you are on the verge of defacing the Guggenheim's floors with your own water. You reach the apex, the fifth level, and wonder with terror whether you have just raced up a building to a floor with no toilet. This would be a crisis, and, like a victim in a slasher who runs up the stars to escape a masked murderer, you won't escape this dry. But the gods of art and non humiliating yourself smile on you. There is a small bathroom. You burst in, rip down your clothing, struggling to keep the flood inside you. You sit down and the metal of the toilet seat warms nearly instantly. It feels almost soft. And you look between your legs. Maybe you left your underwear on. Maybe you didn't. But what is certain, is that you are looking at a strange and beautiful site that you shudder with that feeling of sublime you came here for in the first place. Moreso, you get that frisson of terror at the admixture of abjection and grace as the gold waste leaves your body and swirls around the 18 karat gold of the toilet bowl. It catches the light and blinds you. When you see again, you are spent, and you realize the whole toilet is gold. And solid gold at that. You pull up your pants, and you don't even care if it's damp or not in the gusset. You wash your hands in a sink that is banal and not gold. You leave with great hesitation and not a little regret, knowing you may never piss the same way again. And you look back at the restroom, wondering if maybe you were given LSD by an old-timey CIA agent from the MKULTRA days. And though you don't turn to salt, you feel week with the knowledge that you just pissed into America (2016) and sculpture by Maurizio Cattalan. A docent, that you missed in your rush into the bathroom, looks you straight in the eye and says, "Don't worry about it. You're supposed to go in it. That's the point." The New York Times agrees: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/16/arts/design/an-18-carat-throne-arrives-at-the-guggenheim-and-yes-it-works.html
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