KawaiiUnknown
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Pretty much hahaha~ But that's what I think though so I'm too sure about what others might say.. oops >.< Improvement is still needed :3
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Hmm, firstly this is quite the improvement from your other fiction stories you had done before (*Thumbs up*) And secondly there is more detail added in the sentences e.g "....heard people start talking so she looked down seeing that she has a wet spot in between her legs now she blushed a little..." Which is nice as well. For the sentences between characters, it would be easier for you and the reader to know which character is talking at any given time. Adding the " " (Quotation marks, just to clarify) is important, since its for the dialogue for the characters. Oh, and don't forget to work on your sentencing as well (lol like I'm one to talk >.<) Typos, punctuation, and adding capital letters whenever you start a character dialogue, this has alot of potential~ So yea :)